When All Else Fails, Add More Wine

Spent the week tracking calories in/out and yeah, I hate that and I’m not doing that again unless it’s very, very necessary. I didn’t slip into disordered eating, but I just was way too self-conscious about everything.

But, I got a bit of insight. I am eating enough for the calories I’m burning. I probably need to be more active. (Hazards of a very sedentary job.) It’s cool that you burn calories while you sleep. (I knew that already, but it’s still cool to me.)

And in other news, I had cheesecake for breakfast today, LOL. Though… I didn’t finish it until after noon, so, technically lunch? Here’s the thing – I actually don’t feel at all bad about it, because it’s all just fuel and if you’re going to have dessert, it really doesn’t matter WHEN you have it. It’s just some made up rule that it comes after dinner. We have breakfast for dinner, why not dessert for breakfast once in a while?

I’m still having a huge struggle with cooking anything – I really enjoy cooking, I just don’t seem to have the time or energy for it these days, and that is super frustrating. But, I’ve got a kitchen full of low effort food, so it’s all good.

I don’t have a good answer to this – but we’ll see if I can manage it. Every time in the past that I’ve tried watching what I ate, things have gotten, well, weird – not to the point of disordered, but I got very self-conscious about it all.

A few weeks back we were down at the beach and the first two days I didn’t have lunch and I felt like trash. I am WAY more active down there than I am here and I realized I wasn’t eating enough and that was why I felt like garbage in the afternoon those two days.

But, it also made me wonder – even though I have a very sedentary job and I am not nearly as active during the week when I’m not on vacation – maybe I’m not really eating enough in general to give my body the fuel it needs?

I’m not looking to gain or lose weight – just make sure I’m really eating enough – cause some days, I do wonder if I would have more energy if I had more fuel.

Calories burned is very easy, thank you Fitbit. And with the internet, it’s way easier to find the nutrition information for pretty much anything.

The real trick is keeping it all in perspective. Last night, I picked up dinner from Panera and everything in the bag was 1,670 calories. And it would be easy to look at that and think “oh hell, I can’t do that anymore” – except that I never eat the entire sandwich and bowl of soup in one sitting. It’s literally dinner, lunch, and a snack all in one bag.

I’m also looking at it on a rolling weekly basis – too easy to get in the weeds trying to do it daily. Cause there are always going to be over/under days and I don’t want to get hung up on that. And reminding myself that this is observational – no “gotta work off those cheese and crackers” or “oh great, I’m allowed to eat” nonsense.

So, we’ll see if I can just make this a fun personal observational science experiment without it ruining eating – cause the minute it ruins eating, I’m done.